Apathy
by InvaderL
Summary: This story is a sequel to Pulse. — Celestia betrayed Twilight's trust. Even after begging and demanding Celestia to kill her, Celestia stole Twilight's mortality from her again. Forced to stay alive, and a student under her unwilling tutelage, how will Twilight cope with watching her world die again?
1. Emplecti Mortem

"Are you sure about this, Princess Celestia?" His voice asked her. Blackflare. Such a disgusting, yet majestic stallion. But dangerous and uncertain. He looked like he would just as soon stab you in the back as he would give you candy. "I'm not certain how stable she'll be mentally, nor physically."

"I'm certain." Celestia said with her usual stern princess voice. She was so certain of herself, so sure that when she did this, her little protegee would run up and give her a big hug and thanks. Or perhaps she knew how I would react but simply didn't care. "Start the ritual."

 _Bum bum... Bum bum... Bum bum..._

I could always feel my heart beat as I grew older, but to be a heart? It was more than merely feeling the heart beat. It was you. Your everything was in that heart beat—how you though, how you felt, how you counted the seconds down—that was the pulse of life everypony shares. But only I know the strain of the heart: the ungodly willpower that it took not to go mad.

His magic was sick and twisted. I would've felt the urge to vomit had I had my body, but feeling that slick, oil-like dark magic envelope me felt wrong in all the bad ways. It was perverse to everything I held in high regard, the fact Celestia was naive enough or desperate enough to allow this disgusted me. The fact she allowed this dark mage to hold me in his magic was beyond any strings attached to sanity. If he turned on her and attempted to control my magic with his, it might tear half of Canterlot off the mountain, or it might give them all cotton candy for butts. I'm not sure.

He lowered me into this soulless husk of a mare. At least she had the goodness in her heart left not to sacrifice another life for mine. She had a team of necromancers hired, and given temporary immunity to the laws of moral magic use,-thankfully only within reason-to construct a soulless body to implant me into. I wouldn't have thought she'd be so willing to delve into the dark arts this early in her life, but the corruption to the time line might have something to do with that.

Thankfully, time itself didn't unravel. She and I both can count our lucky stars for that.

As he touched me to the cadavers gaping chest cavity, I felt myself click into place like clockwork. I extended my magic, flowing into the never living mare's horn.

* * *

 _Flash—Clunch!_

I magicked her-my chest closed instantly, shutting out Blackflare's magic and expelling it from my soul as fast as I could. My body seized, trying to breathe through missing lungs. My hooves smacked against the marble ground of Canterlot castle, cracking and chipping it as my innate Earth pony magic began to flow through my new body. "Hold still!" Blackflare yelled in frustration more than anything, his magic helplessly trying to still my flailing body as I acclimated and my lungs grew. "I have to open you up and put your lungs back in!"

My eyes widened at him in white hot rage. I reached within my soul, pulling for my magic to my already blazing horn and shot a bolt of kinetic energy at him, but my body trying to breath with fetal lungs messed my aim up entirely. The shot went far too far left, turning the far wall to rubble as it burst out into the adjacent corridor. One of my lung expanded rapidly, a gurgling breath tore its way down my throat as my body force air into the lung.

"Twilight, stop! He is trying to help you!" Celestia tried to hold me herself this time, her magic bearing down like elephants standing on my skull. I heard my heart beat again as I willed my magic to overpower her.

Then my second lung expanded. With a wretching breath that tasted like blood and vomit, I found my new voice. "You selfish brat!" I turned on her; screamed at her, stumbling to my hooves as my once green, but now browning mane bellowed in the air behind me, expanding rapidly; filling the room. My magic tainted the body, tingeing it purple, trying to turn it into me. "I asked you not to! I wanted to die! You lied to me and broke my trust!" My voice tuned itself closer to my own with each syllable. She started to retreat in steps away from me, my magic expanded throughout the castle uncontrollably like wildfire; she was straining to keep a fraction of it in this room. "You endangered all of time and space for a silly petty desire! You have no idea what you risked you arrogant horse!" I slammed my fore hooves on the floor, shattering the marble around me to emphasize just how upset I was.

"Twilight, I'm sorry!" She pleaded as my bones shifted, my height grew to match her within seconds. "I know what did was risky and selfish, but I couldn't let you die! I couldn't kill you!"

My face contorted in emotions I can't even describe. "You should have left me in torment." I hissed at her, calming my raging magic in an instant. "I will not play this game with you, Celestia. I will not allow you to do this." I stalk towards her just another step, now looming over her like a mother scolding her child. "You betrayed me in the most sick and twisted way I can possibly imagine. You bet the lives of your my... _our_ subjects and every other life in the universe, that you have no right to control the fate of, on the small chance that they wouldn't die when you brought me here, and you've done it again by trying to revive me." I backed to the center of the room again, feeling a movement inside my upper back.

"I will not sing to your song of death and doom." I say with finality, flooding the magic from the castle into my body and concentrating it. "I will get what I desire, Celestia."

She yelled, charging at me desperately. But my ears were the first to go. My skin peeled and caught fire, a lavender and violet fire that danced off of me. It fluttered away, taking my meticulously crafted body with it. But through the agony of scorching myself alive, and through Celestia trying to extinguish the magical fire, I could hear it calling me again.

 _Bum bum... Bum bum... Bum bum..._

* * *

"You can't destroy this body the same way, Twilight." Her words sickened me. She was beyond selfish and petty; she was not the Celestia I knew. This new dark mage, I didn't bother learning his name, accompanied her. The body this time was devoid of color, but rune signs traced along each limb from a central gem implanted on the base of the spine; the runes were branded on. The lungs were already in this time too, this mage could simply phase me through them. "Every time you do we'll simply create a new one that cannot be destroyed the same way. I won't lose you, Twilight. I can't lose you, not after all this."

Around the mares horn was several golden and iron rings of various enchantments. Magic binders. She hoped to at least limit my magic until she could calm me down. She nodded to the necromage stallion, who nodded back as he lift me from the glass vase from Celestia's study. It only had a very simple stasis enchantment I had disengaged a long time ago, nearly right after being put it in. His magic was just as horrid as Blackflare's, it rubbed me in all the wrong ways as he lowered me through the new body and sat me in place.

* * *

 _Flash—Clunch!_

My heart sat in place as I regained feeling in my hooves in almost an instant. Air flooded into my new lungs again; the small hole letting access to my heart and lungs closed. "You disgust me." My first words, they managed to tune this one's voice a lot more like mine. Were these any other circumstance, I would've been slightly impressed.

"Twilight, try to understand." She steps over me, staring into my eyes. "Please try to understand how much I can't do what you asked of me."

"I understand, Celestia." I can feel my magic building at the base of my horn. It feels like my skull might explode from the pressure, the enchantments are actually somewhat decent. "There is little I don't understand." Brute forcing them would take too long, not to mention it might hurt her. "One of those rare things however, is that you would support this disgusting magic to touch me; to influence the one you beg everyone to believe you love." I opened my eyes, glaring at her from the floor. "What I don't understand is why you would give me your word–"

"Twilight–"

"Why you would [i]give me your word[/i] that you would help me find peace, then immediately steal my very soul away and endanger countless lives in the process." I found the weak point in the first ring, I snaked my magic into it and started on the next.

"If I didn't, you never would have let me try to help you!" She waved her hooves around, whether she were trying to justify her actions to me or to herself I don't know. "You would have stopped me before I had the chance."

The second and third ring fell quickly; I had learned the pattern. "Let you help me?" I laughed at her. I openly, without any restraint, laughed at her. "Let you help... Do you have any idea what it's like? To be alive after everypony you ever loved has died?" Then the fourth.

"Of course I under-"

"You don't understand anything!" I laugh again. "You've had Luna all your life, even when she was gone, she was never once dead. You always knew she'd be back." I close my eyes. "You think you realize what it's like, but you've only experienced half of it. One day, when you lose someone like Luna? Someone who you thought would never, ever go away?" I open my eye again, my magic disengaging the enchantments on the magic binders at once. "That is when you will get a hint at what I feel like, that is when you will want to die, and that is when Twilight will steal your death from you as well." My mane floods the room again, Celestia and the dark mage backing off in shock.

I reach out with my magic, the binders melting down off my horn as molten metal and slag, and wiggle it into the structure of the roof. I teleport Celestia, who's panicking, to the edge of the Griffon borders, then pull the ceiling to collapse on me and the dark mage with a smirk at said stallion.

 _Bum bum... Bum bum... Bum bum..._

* * *

Celestia had found a way to dull my senses, by wrapping me in layers and layers of enchanted bindings, I could only sense her and her assistants presence, but I couldn't 'see' them in the same way as before. I believe she thinks I'm planning how to kill each new body as it's thought, but in actuality I just came up with it on the fly. I can't hear her anymore either, she used to talk to me, plead with me to reconsider every night; tell me about her day. Now she keeps me in the binds like her shameful little secret. I felt a new magic engulf me, I couldn't decide whether her ignoring me is a blessing or a curse as I was lowered into yet another body.

I'd long since lost track of time. How many years had she been trying to force life unto me? How any decades had passed now? How long until she grows up enough to end this menagerie of naive torture and risk?

If I'd learned one thing from immortality, it was patience.

* * *

 _Flash!_

In an instant my senses spanned out, they had refined the process to a simple teleport and a quick spell cast. No messy holes in my body, nothing of that sort. She would then remove her assistant from the room as quickly as she could. The last time she didn't, I turned them inside out before transforming all the liquid in my body into orange juice.

She took exception to that one in particular. I heard him screaming for at least ten minutes before she gave up trying to reverse the spell and killed him. I wish she would do that to me.

"Are you ready to accept life this time?" Her question was dull and impassive. She had grown past the begging and pleading, instead now treating this as a monthly chore.

This time, I didn't even bother to talk to her. I didn't even look at her. What should I do this time? I have a mental list of everything I've done to reset the destroy my bodies, I do ever so hate repeats. Maybe I should teleport all my skin off and replace her bed sheets with them? I wonder at what point she'll finally kill me out of anger and spite? What can I possibly do to anger her that much? "Are you already thinking of how to kill yourself this time?" She's as slow as ever. "Don't you even want to know what's at stake this time?"

I curl an eyebrow up, keeping my eyes closed, she doesn't usually gloat about her newest invention to try to keep me alive. What this time? The iron in my blood marked with runes to rebuild and replicate themselves after each failed attempt at self-destruction? If that's the case, I'll simply induce a permanent coma in the body, or teleport the brain to another star system. Trying to plead with her kindness and her mercy had failed. She didn't care about her subjects as much as she cared about me. In some twisted way, I should feel a sense of importance, but it only gives me sorrow.

My only option is patience.

I heard her hoof steps close in near my head, barely an inch away. Then I felt her breath on my face. "I love you so much, Twilight. Please, let me save your life." Everything has it's end, Celestia. Even me. In fact, my end was supposed to happen a long time ago. ...Or in a very long time, depending on how you look at it. I almost hum to myself in thought. After all my experience with time magic, I still have issues with that. Is something that happened before for me but in the future considered before or after?

She chuckled. "Humor me. At least give me a little satisfaction that you know what you are going to do before you kill yourself this time." She moved away and I opened my eyes. I'm in a hospital; how creative. "She's just in the next room, please come with me and see her." I stood up, my mane extending and trailing all throughout the room behind me, and yawned impassively. I couldn't care less, but it gave me an excuse to come up with a really creative death this time. I already liked the bed sheets one. Maybe replace Luna's bed sheets? "We've made quite a few advances in magi-technology and arcane spell weaving over the last sixty years, Twilight." Flurryheart's? Actually, no. That might damage the time stream more than I'd like if she's traumatized this early in life.

"It feels like it passed in a heart beat to me." I trotted over to her, my voice was perfect; save for my monotone. They had almost perfected the body after so many tries, it was a lavender unicorn mare just a slight bit taller than Celestia, but my magic was already transforming the body even more. They couldn't create her as an alicorn yet, but it was only a matter of time.

She smiled that smile she always does. I at one point found it charming, but Celestia—This Celestia—had tainted my memory of it. "It's all thanks to the Princess of Friendship. But, you already knew that, didn't you?"

"Your witty comments surpass me by great strides, oh how I'll never understand how you can speak with such an intelligence and allure." I can't stand her god complex. I remember when she went through this phase, but being on the other end of it's 'love' is more sickening than I remembered.

She allowed a frown for only a moment before grinning again. "I think you will be proud of me in a moment. If I'm correct, which I usually am nowadays, I think I found the perfect reason for you to stay around." She tipped her head and trotted out of the room into what I can tell is a much larger observatory. "I have had Twilight researching time magic and its risks a lot lately."

"Then she should already have informed you that changing this much is already a risk."

"I've also had her researching a spell to circumvent these risks."

"Sounds even more risky than simply dealing with the problems in place already."

I trotted into the room with her and glanced down at the sight of an ongoing surgery. "She was successful in her research of course, hence why I've ordered the deconstruction of Trottingham."

I turned up and gaped at her in shocked horror. "You can't! Trottingham was a very important part of history in the next two hundred years, you can't simply–"

"I can, and I already did six months ago." She smiled at me again. I stared at her. "I went back into your future again and studied the notes and photos you left in the dungeon. I found a few things interesting and I've devised the perfect solution." She gestured to the ongoing surgery with a hoof, "I believe you knew young Glowheart?"

I immediately stood on the railing and focused down into the room, "What are you doing to her?"

"'Glowheart', it's quite ironic really." She too stood on the railing, instead hooking a hoof around to rest her head on lazily. "When I saw her name and information in the birth records, I thought it was too good to be true. But there she was, Glowheart of the Spark family, a direct offshoot of the Sparkle family, the first unicorn foal born to them in nearly three hundred years."

I stared as they placed her heart back inside her carefully, strings of magic reattaching the veins and already closing her up. "What are you playing at Celestia? If you viewed my journals, you know how important she will be. She has to be Twilight's pupil, or she won't ascend. The Goldenglow Empire will never come to pass."

"I know." She almost giggled from amusement. "That's why I had her glowing, golden heart removed and bound to your new body." She tapped her chin almost thoughtfully, "I had Twilight herself create the protective enchantment. If it detects her magic trying to disable it, or if your body dies, it will engage and make her pure little heart explode."

As the color left my face, she lost her cheery attitude immediately and glared at me, edging her muzzle close to mine threateningly. "You've pushed my hoof, Twilight. And now I will force you to stay alive at the risk of killing your beloved protegee. Now you will understand how I feel." She jabbed her gold plated hoof on my chest, "Now I give you the choice to kill her if you want to die. Do this, and I will grant you the peace you want." She backed up, leaving me mouth agape. "Show me you're capable of what you're asking me." She frowned at me.

I stared at her in the purest form of disgust and horror. What other choice could I make?

* * *

 _"Unbeing dead isn't being alive."_

 _― E.E. Cummings_


	2. Magister

"No." I stared at her without a flinch as she glared right back at me.

Celestia cleared her throat, trying to hide her annoyed glare. "You don't seem to understand–"

"No."

"Twiligh–"

"No." I had to stop the smirk from crossing my lips.

She huffed and stepped loudly, but hardly as hard as what I'd consider a stomp. "If something bad happens to her, then it could have serious repercussions with the binding spell." Oh Mothers, she was pouting.

"Nothing bad will happen to her if she's with Twilight." I said. My eyebrows twitched when she perked up. "Your Twilight." I narrowed my eyes at her. "Not me."

"You can't be certain with all the changes I'm planning to make to the time line to prevent what occurred." She narrowed her eyes in return. "I won't allow that to happen to my subjects again, no matter what stakes you _think_ we are against."

"I don't think." I shook my head, the freshly crafted iron bands in my quad ponytail clanked against each other and my chest plate, which I also enchanted to limit my magic. I felt my back bones shift again and shuffled my hooves into a more comfortable position; my wings would be growing very soon. "I _know_ what is at stake. You're just too childish to admit I'm right and you are wrong."

She looked out over Canterlot from her personal balcony. "Don't you want to save these ponies? I read in your journals how you would've given anything for a second chance."

"I was younger then." I waved a hoof at her, joining her in glancing over the city below. The city had grown ever quickly since she had popped into the future to ruin the rest of my nigh eternal existence. "I've had a lot of time to think about this, I know the best option is to leave things on their current course. What happened has to happen to pave the way for new life to emerge on some other world." I closed my eye, "The lives who crawl around on the puny space mote called Equuis are not the only lives we should be considering."

"That's where you are wrong. When you become a Princess of Equestria, you pledge your allegiance to Equestria." She stormed off the balcony, stomping off into her room like a brat. "I may value life, but I would rather commit mass genocide than allow what happened to Equestria happen again."

"You're biased!" I turned toward her furiously, subconsciously waving a wing and feeling empty at the lack of gesture. I then awkwardly wave my hoof instead, several seconds too late.

"Of course I'm biased! These are _my_ subjects! This is _my_ country!" She actually stomped her point into the ground. "Beyond any other form of life on or off Equuis, _my_ subjects come first! Even if what you think will happen happens, I will let it happen if it means they are safe!"

"Then why did you risk them all by dragging me back here?" I whispered to her, seething. "Why did you think that putting _your_ subjects lives on the line—without even giving them a choice in the matter—was the best course of action?" I jabbed her chest, my hoof guard clinking against her chest plate. "Because if–No, _when_ it happens, do you honestly think that little spell Twilight put in place will prevent the cataclysm that follows?"

"If I didn't, they'd all die one day anyway." She retorted, closing her eyes and lowering her head. She looked back up and stared at me. "And for my plan to work, I need you to cooperate."

"You need to use me like a tool." I snorted. She didn't actually care at all. In a way this upset me, but more than anything it was a relief. At least her intentions were... Okay no, her intentions were still horrible. Scratch that. This was worse than if she were a blinded, doting mother figure. "I will not help you jeopardize every life in the universe."

"Then everypony will die for nothing." She sighed. Her horn started to glow and the light waned from outside. Night was falling. "Twilight, I have a lot of paperwork to do. Can we discuss this later. "

I snorted. "I'm not done here. You wanted me back? Now I get to nag you about how you're bucking things up."

"I'm asking you to leave out of the kindness of your heart—to please let me have a bit of peace and quiet to run this country." She looked up at me. "Please, Twilight. We can discuss this in the morning. Go see Glowheart, I know you've missed her a lot for quite a long time." I stared at her before turning and walking away. "Thank you." She sighed. "And Twilight?" She called but I didn't stop. "I don't see you as a tool, Twilight. I do love you with all my heart, please don't doubt that."

"Keep lying to yourself." I muttered under my breath. I then stopped at the doorway, holding it open in my magic as I glared at her. "I will not be her teacher. That is no longer my job." She didn't respond, so I closed the door and continued on my way.

* * *

"Who're you?" She stared up in awe at me. Glowheart; she was so tiny now. "Are you my new teacher Princess Celestia told me about?"

I bent down to my knees, yet still towered a head over her on the already–taller–than–her hospital bed. I tried to smile as warmly as I could, but I could feel my heart breaking at the sight of her. "How do you feel, Glowheart?" My eyes lingered on the slight discoloration on her chest; I couldn't even scan the protective charm on her heart or I might risk setting it off. "Do you know why you are here?"

She tilted her head, "Kinda.. The royal guard came to my house and talked to my mom, then she said that I had to go to the royal hospital to see sir Gravy." She glanced around. "Have you seen him? I still haven't met him and I'm feeling really guilty about it." She pouted at me.

I chuckled, "No, no, Glowheart. Sir Gravy is not a pony." I magicked a panel in front of myself as she scrunched her nose up confusedly and wrote the word on it before showing it to her. " _Surgery_ is a type of healing practice which involves cutting a pony open and fixing what's wrong inside them manually." Except there was nothing wrong inside of her, she was here because of Celestia stupid plan. I doodled a little stickpony demonstration of surgery, the patient smiling and cheering as the doctor comically cut him open, shoving band–aids inside.

She tilted her head and squinted her eyes at the word in thought, though giggled lightly at the doodle. "So are you my teacher? The doctor said I had a sick day and I didn't have to go to school today, does that mean you're bringing school to me?" She opened her eyes wide and innocently, tilting her head to the other side.

Damn Celestia. Damn her to Tartarus. I will personally do the damning when I leave this room; I will march into her room and damn her and damn her oh so important paperwork to Tartarus. She knew how Glowheart would affect me, and I fell for it out of nostalgia. I opened my mouth for a moment, "I–I'm not–" I coughed, covering my stuttered words. "No." The word finally exited my mouth, a smile still managing to hold to my lips.

She frowned. "Oh." Then looked back at the word still hovering over her, "Well I hope my teacher is half as nice as you are. Or at least as tall." She giggled. I smiled at her then frowned as my bones shifted again. "Miss?"

"I have to go. I'm sorry, I'll be back later though, I promise." She pouted.

"What's your name?"

"Twi–" I stopped myself. She blinked at my pause. I shift my eyes ever so slightly in thought. "My name is Magister." I finished, forcing a smile.

I stand up and dispel the panel, "Oh okay. Bye Ms. Magister!" She waved excitedly as though to hammer her words in with joy.

I returned her smile before I closed my eyes.

 _Blink_

The world cracked and fizzed before it snapped into place. I was back in the room Celestia had so 'graciously' given me to stay in 'temporarily'. More like until she has a use of me. I groaned in frustration as I walked up to the mirror and regarded myself in time to see my wings bulging against the splitting inside of my upper back. No one understands anything! I know what is best for life to continue, if that means letting ponies die out than that's what it means! It's not my choice to make. "I'm not a Goddess." I told the mare in the mirror.

* * *

I flexed my new wings tenderly. The joints were sore; they popped with relief as I arced them. Such a long and boring process. I liked the first time way more. A flash, a bang. A pat on the head like a good little pet and boom. Princess wings. This time it was just waiting for them to push through my back and grow right. A little active magic pushed the process along faster, but I couldn't rush it too much.

Not that I actually cared or anything.

The castle halls were almost devoid of even the royal guard. I suppose Celestia doesn't want the public, or worse, Twilight catching wind of the second Twilight roaming Canterlot castle. I hummed an old song, I don't even remember where I heard it anymore, but I hum it quite often. My tail swished in the air to the tune. I haven't banded it with iron yet, but I don't think it's risking any real magical outbursts just yet. "Oh come off thy high saddle! Thee must be cheating! Come hither and we shalt give you a violent frisking worthy of the Mothers themselves!" I heard echo down the halls. I recognized that voice and tone.

I passed the guards, casting a minor silencing charm over them as they started to protest, and entered the royal quarters quietly, casting an incredibly weak shield spell over the doorway. "Watch the halls of the apartment building!" The tiny voice I barely even heard yelled in the lunar Princess' ear. Luna. Even now she spent her days and nights playing games. "Not those halls, the other building you idiot!" And failing just as miserably as in the future.

"We would like to see you attempt such a task with the pathetic amount of information you've tried to give us!"

"Still playing that silly old game? I thought by now the next one was out." I said, idly taking a seat behind her.

She flinched, but her focus was admirable. "Twilight Sparkle? I was not informed of your visit, nor your uninvited entrance to my personal bedchamber." Trying to put on a show with her modern dialect. Though bedchamber was still archaic, perhaps she's already growing into her future style of speech. "But the gesture of familiarity is appreciated I suppose."

I glanced over the map and listened to the raging orders from her headset. "They're going to ambush you there." I focused on the point of the map, a purple dot of light appearing in front of it. "Don't fall into their trap, head around to the far side of that building first and attack them. That'll give your teammates the upper hoof." I drew an arrow over the map.

"Are you sure, Twilight Sparkle? I do have more experience in war time efforts after all." She started to look back for me.

"Eyes forward–Look right, quick!" I yelled as I saw an opportunity. She jumped and gunned the advancing player in the skull. "Around the building, now!" I took regard of her shock and turned it to my advantage. She followed my orders blindly, the panic of combat muddling her thoughts. She galloped around the building. She peaked around the corner and sure enough, my assumption was right. She could see the approaching ambush. She muttered into her headset absently, relaying the plan to her fellows. "See that one in the middle with the red cap? Everypony's following him. Take him out, they'll probably scatter." She aimed and popped him in the head. ...And was then immediately taken out by a rouge player.

"Unholy buck!" She nearly tossed the controller. "See?!" She hoofed towards the screen angrily.

"Watch." I whispered as I edged closer, lowering my head to hers at eye level.

We watched, waiting for her to respawn. The dots on her map moved in an impressive formation for a multiplayer game, half splitting off and going around. That split was her addition to the strategy. Five seconds. The dots halted, having encountered the confused enemy. We both watched as the once formidable enemy is mowed down without their leader. Two, one. Luna respawned and was met with great praise from her teammates through the headset. "Huzzah!" She hopped to her hooves, jumping once in place victoriously for good measure. I sat to my normal height happily. I was right of course. "Our enemy has been defeated!" She turned towards me, her eyes blinking rapidly as they adjusted to the near pitch black around her. "How did you know th–"

She stared at my chest plate in shock as her vision adjusted, before turning her gaze up at my face. Her mouth moved in confusion before she teleported back, her horn alighting the numerous light sources in the room. "Who are you?!" I blinked away the slightly annoying pain caused by the lights. "What have you done with Princess Twilight Sparkle?! How did you gain her voice?!" She aimed her glowing horn at me, "Speak now or perish!"

I stared at her, quite honestly annoyed. "Celestia never told you? You didn't even question it when your castle was repeatedly flooded with my magic?"

She moved her mouth, echoing my words with her brow creased. "You're ignoring my question." She narrowed her eyes.

I leaned down so she could see my face under her aggression. "You're ignoring your eyes."

She stared at me strangely. I honestly don't know what's going through her head right now. What lies has Celestia fed her to keep her docile? She peaks past me to where her guards are waving their forelegs and panicking silently in the doorway. She shakes her head and mouths, 'What are you idiots doing?' to them before looking back at me. "You silenced my guards."

"How else did you think I came in without the royal guard announcing it?"

She continued to aim her horn at me in silence, peaking around me again. "You're an alicorn."

"You're _very_ observant." I soaked very in sarcasm on purpose, leaning back to her level.

She grunted angrily. "You two!" She regarded the two guards sitting on their butts looking very disappointed in themselves. They stood at attention, saluting with their forelegs. "Go and retrieve my sister." They nodded and galloped off.

"This might be fun."

She didn't respond as we stared each other down. And by that, I mean that she tried to stare me down but I instead glanced around her room curiously. It's not like she actually posed much of a threat anyway. She had a few dozen of the present day games, a couple actual arcade machines. Oh and her bed was big enough for around two dozen ponies if they were comfy with each other. "You're repeatedly dying in your match."

She spared the screen a glance before staring back at me, though her eyes shot at the screen over and over again. "Tis of little concern."

I flip my ears as the tiny sound finally reaches them. "Your teammates are getting angry."

She eyed the controller half a hoof in front of her. "Tis a less important matter than one of personal security, I'm sure they would understand."

"Or they'll buck you out of the guild." I snorted as she cringed. "I will close my eyes if you want to quit the match. It would give you the excuse of having an advantage over me." I said closing my eyes. After a moment I heard the gunshots in the match end abruptly. I open my eyes to see her having edged a tad closer, the game on the start menu. Her horn almost poking me, I shifted my focus at her hooves, "Your stance is off."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

She dared a glance down. "No, it really is–" I brought a hoof up and pushed her horn in the other direction. Her focus broke with a yelp of confusion and her spell misfired across the room, impacting the wall with a disappointing thud.

"You're right, but you were too close." I teleported her back another five hoofs. "Try there."

She glared, her horn glowing brighter. Probably a more aggressive spell. "Don't try to undermine us!"

"I'm not trying." I considered letting out a yawn to annoy her, but decided against further prodding the prideful lion.

Her features stayed the same then twitched, finally understanding my meaning. "Luna!" Celestia barged into the room, "Twilight!"

"Celestia!" Luna shouted, her voice full of relief.

"Princess Fluffy Flanks!" I cheered in mock joy, clapping my hooves while aimed in Celestia's direction.

"Who is she?! How did she gain access to the castle, much less my bedchambers?!" She cast a hoof in my direction. I allowed the yawn this time now that Celestia was here to corral her sister in if things went south.

Celestia frowned. She ignored Luna and glared at me. "Really? You had to waltz right into Luna's room–Of all the things you could do." She took a sharp breath. Luna shifted from hoof to hoof confusedly. "Stand down, Luna. Let me explain the situation around our" She waved her hoof while searching for a word, " _Guest_ here."

* * *

Celestia was such a liar. "So you saved Twilight Sparkle's life in the far future six decades ago and brought her back her to help you save the future?" Luna recapped what her sister had taken an hour to explain. Celestia nodded. Luna regarded her sister, then me. Then her sister again. Then she gave me a silly look, then her sister an even sillier one.

"Are we finished here?" I asked, utterly bored out of my mind.

Luna looked back at me, "Yes." Before Celestia could protest, she quickly added. "And thank you for your assistance."

I blinked at her.

 _Blink_

When my eyes opened, my vision was already finished settling. I had teleported to the hospital wing again. I passed the nurse trying to greet me without even a glance. Don't interfere. Even doing this is interfering, but talking to her could make it worse. I entered into Glowheart's room again, "Magister!" She yelled happily, trying—and failing—to lift up an incredibly large book. "After you helped me with that word, I asked the nurses to bring me a–" She paused, looking down at the cover studiously. "Dic–tion–ary. It's a big book of really super cool words!" Somewhere in my mind I was reeling, I've contaminated the time stream without even realizing it. Will she even ascend to being an alicorn now? If she does, will she be Princess of Super–Cool–Words now? But I let a smile grace my features, regardless of my fear. "That's wonderful, Glowheart. I'm glad to see you've taken an interest in Equestrian language. So few ponies do nowadays"

I sat beside her bed again, calling a gasp from it's tiny inhabitant. "Whoa! I didn't notice you had wings earlier! Are you a Princess?!" She clapped her hooves together, the book nearly falling before I caught it with my magic. "Why haven't I heard of you?" She gasped again, inhaling more air than I thought a normal pony capable of holding, "Are you like... Some kinda secret Princess Magister of the Secret Teachers Club?"

I chuckled. "No, but I am a secret Princess. So if you could keep this just between us." I trailed off, giving her a wink.

She grinned widely, winking back with a giggle. "Can you teach me a ton of really cool words now?"

In the back of my mind, I heard Celestia laughing her fluffy cake flanks off. But for then, in that peaceful little moment? I couldn't say no. I could be as bitter and horrible as I liked to everypony else, but even I couldn't honestly say I haven't wanted to see Glowheart smile again. Even if she is a filly.

* * *

Glowheart yawned loudly, we'd been studying words almost all night—in fact I could feel Celestia pulling on the sun now. "Princess Magister, I'm tired."

I closed the book with my magic, levitating it to a nearby table. "Then lets take a break. Do you want to sleep?"

She nodded. "Yeah." I smiled and nodded. But just as I was going to teleport, "Can you sing me a lullaby? I know I'm a big filly, but Princesses must know really good ones, right?" I worked my mouth a little, absorbing the words. "Super secret Princesses who are really nice especially." She whispered with a giggle.

I smiled, "I think I know just the song." She squealed with glee, tucking herself under the covers as I magicked the lights off. She grinned excitedly with her head on her pillow. My horn glowed; I was casting a diluted silencing charm to keep my singing quiet. I clear my throat before humming the beginning of the song. I hummed, lifting a hoof and petting her head gently. "Birds," I called the words from memory, the words and the memory itself both incredibly old in my mind. "In the sky. Carry these words for me."

Her expression shifted from excitement to one of awe. "Life: tasted sweet. It let me live!" The silencing charm kept my yelled line quiet. "Let me breathe."

"Love: hurt so bad. But still," I pulled a quick breath, almost choking. "Saved my soul." I felt those deep and long buried emotions stir in my throat and swallowed them with an audible gulp. "Flowers of a brighter past. They bloomed so free-beneath the sun."

"Memories; I want to give them to you." A tear burned like brimstone in my eye, but I blinked it away. Glowheart was staring at me with this unreadable expression, sitting up slowly as my hoof fell away. "So you can see-" I trailed off, drawing another breath to hide a sob. "-What we left there."

I forgot. I forgot Glowheart was there, I forgot my hidden tears and swallowed sobs, I forgot the dangers to the time stream. But I remembered the song—who sang it and why. "When all hope bleeds out, what remains is doubt. Should've left it all for you–For tomorrow."

"As your time draws near, will you live in fear?" I felt something release in my heart, like a great flood. "Could've left it all for you, but we let–" I accidentally sobbed quietly, "–Go." I trailed off, tears flowing freely.

"Princess Magister..." Glowheart sat on the hospital bed quietly, a couple tears streaking her cheeks. "Are-" She swallowed, "Are you okay?"

I nodded and hugged her with my foreleg, a hug which she returned. "Yes, my little pony. Don't worry, I'm okay." I wiped her tears with a flicker of my horn, mine too. "I'm sorry for upsetting you. Princesses can get sad sometimes too though." I tuck her back under. "We're not perfect."

"But Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight and Princess Luna and Princess Cadence and Princess Flurry Heart all seem perfect?" The sheer number of times she used the word and and how horrible it sounded in a sentence made me nauseous. We'd talk a lot about sentence structure and grammar when she woke up if I had anything to do with it.

"They're no where near perfect." I stood up. "Like, Princess Luna? She plays video games all night but she still sucks at them." I said with a small laugh. Glowheart giggled with me. "Now sleep, there's always another day."

She closed her eyes, a small snore soon following. I sighed, then too closing my eyes.

 _Blink_

When I opened my eyes in my room, Celestia was standing by my window. "I just received a letter from Twilight." She said without looking at me. "She found a fault in the spell she created. She doesn't know how dangerous it could be though." I stared at the back of her head. "And another of her friends passed away today. She's grown depressed lately, which is why I think her spell had the fault."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

She sighed. "I want you to stop being so apathetic. These are your subjects too, it's your responsibility if they all die. And if the spell creating the pocket for our time line destabilizes, everypony will die." I glared. "Glowheart will die." I growled, she's trying to toy with my emotions.

I hated her. I really hated her. I found my voice, stifling a scream. "She's died before, and this time won't be my fault."

"You're being selfish."

"Says the stuck up mare who bucked everything up in the first place." I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I then waved my emotions away with a hoof. "This is not my mess, nor is it not my problem anymore. You made sure of that." I opened my eyes, staring her down apathetically. "Fix it yourself."

She stared at me. "You're no better than a murderer if you do that."

I laughed. "I _am_ a murderer!" She didn't share in my strained joy however. She merely stared at me with an unreadable expression before teleporting out of my room. I walked to where she was before she left and leaned against the wall, staring out over Canterlot. "I'm a murderer."

Tomorrow is the funeral, I remember today. I think I'll go.

* * *

 _"The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires."_

 _― William Arthur Ward_

* * *

Read on FimFiction for extras, author comments and blog posts regarding Apathy and Pulse!


	3. Amici Perierunt

"Dearly beloved..." The reverend droned on and on. I honestly couldn't bear to listen to that nasally, snarky voice of over–confidence in the false any more than I could listen to Celestia's snarky voice of over–confidence in the false. In fact, I would prefer to hear Celestia nagging me about the bucking up the timeline some more. But that's not why I was here. "Now... I understand a Ms. Fluttershy has something to say regarding the dearly departed."

I sat up straighter, my charmed invisible wings cramping against the wooden bench. I saw an elderly yellow mare with a white mane and a black evening gown dress. It was one of Rarity's later works before she passed away. Though, the only white mare I saw now was Sweetie Belle, now an aged mare with the wrinkles to prove it. She sat with Apple Bloom while they both comforted Scootaloo.

Then I saw myself. She sat aside Pinkie Pie, dressed up in the most ridiculous set of funeral regalia I could imagine. I had such a ridiculous sense of fashion back–One of the iron bands in my mane thumped the back of my head, silencing my internal hypocrisy. "Uhm..." Fluttershy's voice croaked like a frog; no one dared utter a word. They all sat, staring a her. "I'm... Not much for public speaking. I never have been." Her voice was silent, but carried over the deafening silence of the Cloudsdale funeral home. I spotted several unicorns casting and recasting the cloud solidification spell I—Twilight created for the event. It was simpler than casting the cloud–walking spell on all of the several hundred non-pegasi guests, and it took way less magic.

"And if Rainbow Dash were still here, she would've hoofed me over the head and made sure I had the b–best speech ready with fireworks a–a–and..." She coughed, wiping her face dry. "But she's not anymore." She sniffed, laying a hoof on the casket that sat behind her, emblazoned with her Cutie Mark; a beautiful design of powdered sapphire, emerald and rubies. It shone like a sonic rain–boom itself. Her brittle bones creaked, I could hear them from here. She didn't have much longer herself, neither did Pinkie. Twilight, the me of the past, she knew that too. "I wrote a s–song for Rainbow though." She pulled a piece of folded paper from her chest pocket, fumbling to unfold it.

Twilight reached with her magic, unfolding it for her. Fluttershy gave her a thankful gaze, mouthing 'thank you' and fixed her eyes back on the paper. She cleared her throat and started to hum. I closed my eyes in appreciation of the only time this song was ever heard by a crowd. The only time she ever sung it for that matter. "Birds," I never thought I'd hear it again. "In the sky." Her voice broke and she coughed as I burned the song and the moment into my memory again, refreshing the details I'd lost and quite simply just appreciating the song, stowing my tears away. For the second time since I first saw Celestia at the Tree of Harmony, I was thankful. "Carry these words for me."

* * *

I took a deep breath as the funeral ended. Rainbow Dash was gone. I regarded Twilight, she was weeping alone, shooing her two remaining friends away. They only made her more upset. They reminded her that she was never going to have an ordinary life with ordinary friends ever again, that once they were gone she had lost the last of her five amazing friends she made all those decades ago. I remembered the thoughts, but I knew the future. I knew what she might've had in store, the great adventures she'd have, the friends she'd make; love she'd find. But that was gone now too. Celestia had taken everything I cherished from her before she ever knew it would happen.

I sighed, walking over to her. "Princess Twilight." I called to her, my voice modified by magic.

She quickly sniffed and tried to hide her messy face. "Y–Yes?" I stood silently, waiting for her to ready herself. She sniffed again, rubbing her face once more before turning towards me. She was still an absolute wreck. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

I stood silently for a moment, finding my words. She tilted her head, sniffing once more and wiping her face with her hoof. "It'll get better soon. One day—even though right now you feel like your life is over; like everything you've ever known is falling apart—just believe in the power of friendship. Life will continue, and it will be beautiful." I said without pausing, but not quickly.

Her eyes twitched from my left to my right eye and back, studying my face. "Who are you?"

I smiled. "Nopony. Nopony important anyway." I said before blinking.

 _Blink_

I dispelled my illusion mid–teleport, then opened my eyes in Canterlot castle. I stretched my wings, then sighed while resigning to my room. I fell to my bed, almost passing out instantly. I groaned to the incessant knocking. "Go away." I'll exile whoever it might be if they don't listen.

"Okay!" Glowheart yelled through the door. Okay, less exiling. I sighed, reaching and opening the door with my magic. "Oh!" She exclaimed, galloping back to the door. She ran inside and slid a couple hoofs as she and awed at my room. "Whoa, this is a Princess's room?! It's..." She looked from the drab drapes to the boring bed, "Pretty." She finally said, completely straight faced. I can agree that the room is a complete disgrace. I felt like Celestia was subtly insulting me with this room.

"It's not my actual room, it's a guest room." I said, rolling over and facing her properly. My hoof fell off the side of the bed. "Did you need something?"

She finally looked at me and flinched, "Oh I didn't know you were sleeping! Are you still sleeping? Should I sing you a lullaby now to make sure you keep sleeping?" She questioned herself, tapping her chin with a hoof. "Wait, how are you talking if you're asleep?"

"Sleeping? Nonsense!" I huffed, sitting up and stretching my wings again. "I'm a picture of the waking world."

She tilted her head confusedly. "Huh?"

I hopped to the floor and let out a short yawn, "I'm awake, don't worry."

She nods, quickly grinning. "Okay!"

I stared. "What do you need?" I think I want a hayburger.

She turned to her side, showing off a dictionary strapped to her back. "More words." She said simply, grinning even wider; her face could only grin a tad more without splitting in half I'd venture to guess. Princess of Super–Cool–Words is sounding ever more likely and the thought was terrifying.

I hummed in thought. "Maybe later." She huffed, almost literally deflating. She reminded me of Pinkie at this age. "Wanna go grab some food? I know a great place." I trotted past her, "I think."

She gasped and quickly followed, "But you're supposed to be a secret Princess! How will you be secret if you go eat with other ponies?" With a little reverse engineered changeling magic of course.

I closed the near forgotten door. "Ah. But I'm the Princess of Secret-y Secrets. I know how to go out in public without drawing attention to myself." I leaned down and winked at her. "Don't you think I'd get bored sitting up here with Sun Butt and Grumpy Gamer all day?" Her mouth formed an 'o' before she kept pace.

"Oh okay!"

I peaked out the window, "Yep. It's there." I leaned down and booped her nose with my horn. "Blink."

 _Blink_

"Whoa!" She jumped back, looking around the restaurant. I popped my neck. Color shifts were fine but shape shifts always left me with a cramped neck. "Princess Magister?" Glowheart spun in place, her expression slowly growing more and more panicked.

"I'm I secret remember?" I winked at her, revealing my true eye color for a moment before I blinked it away. She gasped, her eyes widening. Did I ever mention how beautiful Glowheart's golden eyes were? Nodding quickly and zipping her mouth with her hoof, she winked back. "So... What kinda food do you want?" I gazed over the menu, teleporting Celestia's coin purse to me—not like I had any money after all.

* * *

"Wow really?!" Glowheart and I had long finished our food, but we kept buying refills and milkshakes, mostly to screw with Celestia on my part, and telling stories. "What happened next?" She slurped her fifth milkshake as I took a sip from an iced tea.

"So when May Bell found out what I did, she made a sweater for–" I paused my story, everything feeling wrong.

 _Bum Bum..._

"Magister?" I turned my head and stared. I could feel it coming, closer and closer, nearly here. "What's wrong?" My horn glowed as I cast a far sight spell, my vision left my body, flying high and through the walls of the restaurant.

Faster than the fastest flier, more detailed than a hawk, my sight traveled Equestria until I saw it. Hellfire and death painted the land, the sky itself bled and screamed; faces of the dead screeched in agony as their souls were torn to bits. I broke the spell, jolting as my vision returned painfully; you're not supposed cut the spell off mid-use. My disguise faded and collapsed, my height and color returning. Glowheart looked up at me, concern clear on her face as she stood up. "We have to go, I'll tell you the rest later." I tell her, reaching out and resting a hoof on her shoulder. "Blink."

She doesn't blink though, "What's going on? You look worried—Is something bad happening?"

"Blink!" I order her a little louder.

She flinches, her eyes closing.

 _Blink_

"Find her! And send missive for Starlight Glimmer!" Celestia ordered, waving a hoof to send off a pair of pegasus guards. Her magic was vigorously writing letters, green flames scorched around the ceiling, grabbing letters no later than the instant they were sealed, sending them far away.

"You felt it too." It sounded like a question, but it wasn't meant to be. I walked up beside her, but she refused to meet my gaze. "I was right."

"I don't need you to be smug about it." More letters scattered out in puffs of green fire and smoke. "Twilight has gone missing." She marched out to the balcony, pausing the letters and gazing out as if to find her herself.

"What's... Going on?" Glowheart vocalized her visually obvious confusion.

I bent down to her, "Glowheart, I'll tell you all about it in a little bit. Until then I'm going to send you back to your hospital room, okay?" She nods slowly, unsure. I touch my horn to her head, "Blink my little pony." I tell her, channeling my magic into her. Her eyes twitched, then shut.

She was gone, the tiniest flash and a sound like distant clapping hooves as her image folded in and swirled in on itself almost without time passing. "Are you going to help?" Celestia asked, walking up beside me.

"No."

She sighed, turning away; magic grabbing more and more parchment as she trotted over to her desk. I went to the balcony anyway. "Her spell likely would've held—at least for a while longer—if you hadn't gone for something as drastic as removing Trottingham before properly testing the spell wouldn't crack under pressure."

"That's where it all started though, Trottingham..." From her tone alone I could hear her features darken. "Where Starfield will be born. She's the one who would've tempted Twilight into risky research." I heard her round on me, but I remained turned away. "The one who tempted you into risky research!"

Her hoofsteps grew closer. "She was my friend." I muttered.

Celestia slammed her hooves onto the balcony next to me, trying to catch my attention. "She was the reason everypony died!"

I looked away from her, my voice turned to a low hiss. "She wasn't the one who caused it." She didn't understand what she's talking about.

"No. She didn't directly cause it. She only inspired it." Her hooves pushed off the railing softly. "Caused it... That was you, wasn't it." She wasn't asking.

 _Blink_

I didn't need to listen to her talk about things she'd never, ever understand. She doesn't even know what kind of monster she's prodding with a pointy stick, she didn't know what I had to go through in the past. "Princess!" Glowheart sat up straight on her bed, "You're back!" She then noted my expression. "What's wrong?"

"Clear your face of worry, little one. It's bad for your complexion." Observant little filly, always was. "It's nothing you would understand, child." I said as I summoned a dictionary. "Would you like to learn something else now?"

Her expression told me though, and I dismissed the dictionary back to the library. "You could 'teach me' about what's wrong." She said with a frown.

I shook my head, she always was a stubborn mare. She made quite a few mules blush. "Just two old mares getting each others' skin. Celestia is doing something really irresponsible and wants me to help."

She tilted her little head, likely wondering how a Princess, much less _Princess Celestia_ could mess up. "Why won't you help? At least if you helped you could make sure she didn't mess up too badly."

"That's not how things like this work out a lot of the time." I sighed. "It's not my job to be her keeper, she took that job from me a long before you were crawling." I rested a hoof on her head. "Perhaps you should rest instead, there's a long day ahead tomorrow, I'm sure."

She frowned but nodded. "Okay, Princess..." She almost whined, but laid down as I magicked the covers over her.

I leaned down and nuzzled her forehead, "Have lovely dreams, my little pony." I said, raising up to my usual sitting height.

She smiled, "Goodnight, Princess." Wait. My ears twitched.

 _Bum Bum..._

My heart seized, fluttering violently. I shifted my gaze towards Trottingham, though my eyes only saw a wall, my soul and magic saw the world falling apart, felt the devastation. My breath hitched as a shock wave ravaged the castle, the stone and mortar crumbling from the violent vibrations of the earth shattering underneath it.

 _Cra—crunch!_

My ears swiveled up faster than my head could, the ceiling was collapsing. Glowheart. I shifted my gaze back to the panicking filly, reaching my hoof towards her.

Then I felt oddly warm. The heat spreading from the skin of my face just a little before dissipating into a sickly sticky cold. I couldn't feel my hoof—I couldn't move it for that matter. Trying to force it spiked pain up my foreleg. My lungs heaved, I could feel clouds of dust and debris scattering in front of my face, but I couldn't see them. I could vaguely hear the sounds of screaming guards and panicking royalty, among the shifting of several tons of stone and debris, but above all those other noises in the distance, I heard dripping.

Then I felt dripping as something warm dropped onto my muzzle, splattering and burning my wide, unseeing eyes. I yelped, quickly moving my head out of the way and rubbing my face against the first dry and unhurt part of my body I could find. The pain from before felt like lightning as it ran up my leg again, but I stifled the reaction as best I could. My iron bands thumped against my neck, sticking for but a moment. I remembered myself and sent raw magic into my horn, unable to think of the equations needed for a proper light spell at the moment.

My horn lit, illuminating everything in a purple haze. Almost everything was purple, the crags of stone from the ceiling and the boulders crushing my hind leg. Except red. I saw red everywhere. I felt red coating my face, I saw red draining down the crushed lump of foreleg in front of me, and I saw red dripping down in the unblinking golden eye in front of me.

* * *

 _"It kills me sometimes, how people die."_

 _― Markus Zusak_


	4. Dea Equorus

I screamed—the first band in my mane buzzed, bolts of energy bouncing off of it as the enchantment activated, allowing me access to more magic. The caved walls and fallen ceilings were enveloped in my magic, but my eyes never left Glowheart's as I teleported the debris somewhere. I might've destroyed them by not having a specified destination, they might simply reappear in a billion years or two seconds, but I'd cross that gap when it became more important.

My body gave out, two of my legs were damaged beyond use. My magic screeched—or perhaps that was me—as it wrapped around my limbs and started to regrow them. I levitated myself into the air, my broken wings unable to do so, and poured my magic into Glowheart's body. First an electric shock. I saw her heart thump as I repeated a steady lightning spell, my magic reaching out and molding her back to the right shapes as best as I could manage.

Her eyes twitched, as did her head as she appeared to writhe in agony as I forced life into her corpse, telekinetic magic reached out like tendrils and wrapped around her limbs, holding her while I healed her. I peered into her chest, her heart was damaged. Without hesitation, I directed the healing magic into it. For one, beautiful moment, as the damage started to close up, I allowed a brief smile. "You'll be okay, don't worry." My words came out sounding mad, even to me, but I had the purest intentions in them I assure.

 _Splat_

I reeled and screamed as her heart atomized into my face, the protective enchantment having engaged. My widened eyes burned and cried, tears and blood draining down my face. "Buck!" I yelled, the sudden and unexpected assault breaking my concentration enough for my body to fall and thunk on the floor, almost limp. My unharmed foreleg reached up and pulled the rest of my battered and bleeding body onto the crushed bed with her, my horn glowed as I cleared my eyes of blood, and my tears doubled their efforts to blind me as I saw her, staring with dead eyes at her slightly opened chest.

Healing magic poured and poured into her again, the second band on my mane fizzing and sparking as more magic flowed from the contained reservoir. "This isn't fair! Not again, I can't lose you again!" My voice bleated out in sobs as I wrapped bleeding and bloodied limbs around her, pulling myself to her. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right. This wasn't how things were supposed to go.

But then, as though the first nail in her coffin, the magic refused to heal her anymore. Yet she still laid dead in my arms. I cursed the world and the unfairness of it, beating my bleeding half stump against the floor in defiance again life; defiance against death; in just plain defiance. But she wouldn't breath no matter how much magic I forced into her, no matter how much I tried to stimulate the nerves in her brain to at least be able to pull a memory extraction. I couldn't even feel her soul anymore, it had left her and fled to the void.

She was dead.

* * *

I don't remember how long I left myself lying there, hugging her chilling corpse as I slowly let myself bleed out. I felt the chilling, familiar weakness of blood loss slowly crawling over me, like a quilt of snow that hung in the air. I didn't cry anymore, I didn't sob. I just laid and held Glowheart to me. My Glowheart, my dear pupil and closest friend. This was the second time I held her corpse in regret and remorse, and yet I don't feel it's dampened. The emotions felt just as raw as they tore into my heart again, still without any preparation; without any sense of hesitation.

She came a short while ago, but wouldn't muster the words. Celestia stood some distance away from me, still in quiet mourning, or fear. I hated her, her actions caused Glowheart's death. If she at least hadn't of bound her heart, I could've saved her, and she knew that. "Leave me alone before I do something I won't regret." My voice didn't sound like mine, it sounded vile and hate–filled. The castle is wracked with earthquakes again, more chunks of stone falling and crashing down around me. But Celestia is holding a shield of golden sunshine over me and her. "Stop it!" I curled into Glowheart more, hiding my bloodshot eyes from the blinding light. "Leave!"

"You know I can't do that, you know I won't." Her voice was as calm and collected as though she were taking a tea break. I hated it.

"If you don't leave, I will kill you." I tore my face from my student, glaring madly at Celestia. "I'll crush you and rip your heart apart molecule by molecule."

"Why?"

I flung my good hoof around, slamming into the ground angrily. The stone under it shattered, cracks spider webbing out from the center. "This is your fault! You and your stupid plan killed her!"

"No," She walked over the cracks and rubble, bending down until her face was inches from mine. "I didn't do this. This is your fault. If you had helped me, at least have done something other than run away and hide, she would be alive." Her eyes softened. "I'm truly sorry for you. I can only imagine how you feel."

"Because you couldn't kill me and prevent all of this!"

"Remember what you're doing and why you're doing it." Her eyes narrowed and I flinched, curling my clotted hoof just a little tighter around Glowheart. "You have a fresh idea of that pain now, so tell me." She stood up. "Could you really expect anyone to force themselves to feel this way?"

I reeled my head, my horn alighting with black rage. I had planned on scaring her, but the shadow magic Sombra created had a subtle corrupting effect, and if I hadn't been so blinded by rage I would've seen my intentions being blurred, what originally was the intentions of scaring her with a light show was somehow confused with scaring her by beating her face in with her own wings.

 _Flash!_

Golden light warped her away, likely gone to try and fix things again, along with fleeing from me. She left me, abandoned to my thoughts and rampant emotions. Something above me crumbles and one of my bands buzzed. I turn my gaze up to see a large boulder before it disappeared in black and green fire. The band clamped down on my mane, and with it, it faded it's slight glow as I laid my head back to my bloodied student. My eyes closed, my horn lighting as I cast a simple shield spell around myself and Glowheart, then my vision fades in as the far sight spell engages.

* * *

Celestia went through the streets of Canterlot, "Gather the survivors! Take everypony out of the city, relocate them to the base of the mountain." Her orders echoed the streets as the guards and any able bodied ponies helped move the debris. Unicorns—older foals, adults and guards alike all ran through the city, their horns ablaze as they tried to help everypony they can.

With her golden aura, Celestia helped lift the debris of a couple of small houses, one of the royal guards helping her as a small group of two families ran from the rubble to her side. They all hugged her, begging their thanks as they wept and assured her they were alright. When they left, Celestia spotted a piece of parchment fluttering through the breeze, she grabbed it and quickly scrawled a message on it, a quill and ink appearing in a flash of sunshine, before sending it away in green fire and continuing, the ink and quill too disappearing with another flash.

She still hadn't found Twilight, the one pony who might be able to help. Where would I have been had this happened and I were hiding from the Princess?

* * *

My eyes opened, the spell dying away. My senses were dull, the world was white and blue. I moved to sit up, Glowheart was gone, the castle was gone. "The astral plane." I said aloud, looking around.

"I've missed you, Twilight." A voice of age and death called out to me.

"Glowheart?" I turned to her, no longer a filly but the alicorn I grew to love for all those tens of thousands for years. I stumbled to my hooves, vaguely noting my legs weren't hurt. My wings flapping frantically, I galloped to her. She walked slowly up to me, still a tad shorter, but her mane nearly as long as mine. "How are you here? What..."

"Shh..." She leaned into me, whispering sweet nothings as she wrapped a wing around me. "I don't have long until my soul welcomes the void again, my beloved teacher. Please, listen to me."

I pressed my face into her, not wanting to lose her again. "Okay." I nearly sobbed. "Okay." My hoof tightened around her as I choked on the words.

Then she pushed me away. Though it was the gentlest nudge away, it felt like she had seared my skin off. "Don't mourn me thrice, Twilight. I don't deserve all that. Dry your tears." I nodded, wiping my face with a wing. When I looked back at her, she seemed to only grow more beautiful. "Don't be sad, though we all miss you, this is not what we want from you. We don't want you wallowing in anguish and despair over us. All your friends are there with me, and everypony forgives you, Twilight." She smiled warmly at me. "Please, don't hate Celestia. She is no more at fault than you were when you and Starfield built the telematrix array." She rested a hoof on my shoulder, "Ponies make mistakes, and you are as much a pony as she is. But even you couldn't have predicted they would detonate, especially so catastrophically."

I shook my head, "How do you know all of this?"

"When ponies die, we go beyond the astral plane." She flicked a hoof, screens upon screens showing my time since I had accepted life again. "Even here we could know everything we needed, but there? We feel the emotions of our loved ones beyond any boundaries. Beyond any form of restraint or spell guard, we become one with those we love."

I walked up, placing a hoof against the panel of me and filly Glowheart laughing over lunch, tears streaming down my cheeks. "And I loved you more than anypony, Twilight. You were always there for me, you were everything to me from the very first day." All the panels faded to show filly Glowheart writing in her diary about me, then my Glowheart sitting behind me in her golden throne, then when she said goodbye when she died the first time. "You were everything to her already." They flashed every memory I had of her, both my Glowheart and this time's Glowheart.

"Why are you showing me this? Why are you telling me this?" I pressed my face against the panel of her walking along side me in the castle of Friendship, I remembered that we were going to dinner with the Alicorn Council, after dinner though was the first time she told me how much she cared about me, and me to her. After all those decades, we still hadn't made it plainly obvious. But then we did. "Do you have any idea how this is making me feel?"

"I could only imagine, Twili–." Her body crack and wrapped before fusing whole again. She sighed sadly, but smiled at me all the same. "My time grows short." She was fading away already, growing transparent. "Promise me you'll do better than this, I know why you're doing it but–" Her voice cut out, but her lips moved further. Luckily I can read lips, I read a lovely book on the subject a long time ago. '–you and I both know that you could do this right, that you could prevent time from unraveling and save everypony this time.' Her voice came back, but it was distorted. "Why won't you even try?"

"It's my fault you all died in the first place." I shook my head. "I have no right to try again. I failed once, I couldn't bare to fail again with the stakes this high. This time I wouldn't just be dooming the ponies I love, but I would be erasing life and existence itself." I choked on the words and sniffed, "I'm sorry! Everything is my fault, I was being selfish!"

She went to speak, but her form faded ever quicker. "Goodbye Twilight. I will always love you and forevermore watch after you my beloved teacher."

I begged and pleaded with her to stay, trying to force her back with magic. But she only smiled, her eyes softening as the last of her face faded away, the panels of memories winking out one by one until I was alone. I gulped, sobbing once as my voice was forced out. "G–Goodbye Glowheart, I will always love you too." Somewhere deep inside, I knew she heard me.

* * *

I opened my eyes, the vision ending. I felt fresh sorrow boiling up, my eyes already tearing up and dripping, but with I couldn't mourn her now. All this death and decay, looking at Glowheart again, I knew she was right. My magic reached and my spilled blood rose to crimson tendrils, dancing about the air before it spiraled down and began fusing with my injured hooves. The bones regrew with a red and purple tinge, the muscle and skin soon followed, and then the fur. I sat my healed hoof on Glowheart, her body was already cold and stiff. My horn's aura turned a sickly black and violet, sparks of green sparking and dying within it. I rested my horn to hers, and her body evaporated to a cloud of pitch black smoke.

I collected the smoke, condensing it as I summoned a beaker from the Castle of Friendship. I never changed my organization techniques, I kept everything almost exactly the same. While the beaker was three and a half millimeters too far west, it was close enough for my summoning spell to correct it. I filled the beaker with the smoke and plugged it, before stowing it in my mane like Pinkie had shown me all those years ago.

I rapped my hoof on the floor twice, my magic reaching out and finding the twisted remains of my hoofguards. The metal flowed across the floor like lava, wrapping around my legs and forming back into a shining hoofguards. "Sum dea." I verbally recalled the words of the ancient Roam goddesses in the books of old, the words allegedly spoken by Helios herself in the first Era when protecting against the Caribou invasion.

I chuckled to myself, the irony in the two Roaman words with regard to my circumstance is hilarious. I am no goddess. But I am a teacher. As a teacher, I live to make my students proud, to see them thrive and live another day. I won't forgive Celestia. I never, not in a million years, will I ever forgive Celestia. But I will follow Glowheart's dying wishes, for I owed her so much more for failing her twice.

 _Blink_

My eyes were assaulted by blinding red light when I first opened them on top of Canterlot castle. When I opened them again, I had true appreciation for how horrible messing with the time stream could end up. The sky from blood red, the ground itself was splintering apart and—The screams. The unending screaming, I couldn't decide if it was in my head or not, but it wasn't the scream of a living being. It was horrifying, and crude. Like some makeshift replica of an actual scream by someone who had only heard a brief description of a scream. In the far distance, I saw the split. It wrenched itself up from the center of Trottingham to several thousand hooves into the sky. It shone like a great red sun had been stretched across the sky. Below I saw Celestia and the royal guard helping everypony they could.

I will become a guardian of life again, for Glowheart. My gaze followed the panicking and dying pleas from my subjects below, but I couldn't be weak then, not when everypony depended on me, when Glowheart had entrusted me with this. I closed my eyes, casting a massive search spell. It would tell me the location of every powerful magical creature. I felt Celestia, Luna. In the far distance, I felt Cadence. Discord was in pieces everywhere, likely he was trying to slow the time splits progress, but his magic wasn't suited to induce stability, so it was likely making it worse if anything.

Twilight was in Mount Everfree, the cave me and my—or she and her—friends found when dealing with that one dragon. He turned out to rebel against the dragon overlords in the following century, Fluttershy had quite an impact on him apparently. But his rebellion against the third dragon war ended with his death unfortunately. I latched my magic onto Twilight, shaking my head to disperse the wandering thoughts as I cast the reverse teleport spell. Beside me, the air shifted like a gentle breeze. "Huh?" Twilight mumbled. I looked down at her, she was just waking up. Her mane was a wreck, her face was tear stricken. "What's going on?"

"I'll explain later." She quickly looked up at my strangely familiar voice, "Right now I need to peer into your memories for just a moment." I said this as I did it, touching my horn to hers. Her reflexes were slow from drowsiness, also likely at least partially due to her sorrow, so she barely even reacted before I entered her thoughts.

 _Flash!_

Her mind was blinding even now, so much knowledge in such a small place. I imagine mine would make a mortal mind go insane, so many years of memories, never forgotten but sometimes stored away. I scanned through her thoughts, I knew how she thought so finding the spell was easy. I extracted the memory of how to cast it, leaving a copy, before I exited her mind.

 _Flash!_

"What the–?!" She scooted back, my horn pulling a pale blue wisp from her forehead. Gathering her legs under herself as she struggled to stand, she found her voice again. "Who gave you permission to–" Her sentence trails off as she glances around over the balcony wall. Her mouth moved wordlessly, not even mouthing words. Just moving. She looked back at me, then at the world. "W–What happened?"

"I was lost in the woods," I pointed her gaze to Celestia, fighting and pushing against all odds to save everypony she could. Tearing the walls off prisons and saving criminals even. Not a single pony was left damned in her eyes, they were all her precious subjects. My precious subjects. "But someone who I lost long ago helped me find my way."

She stared at Celestia with me for a moment, before turning her gaze back to me. "That doesn't answer my question."

"I know." I cast my gaze to the tear. "But right now I have a job." I nodded towards Celestia again, "As you have yours."

She hesitated before nodding and teleporting to Celestia's side with a bright purple flash. I saw them exchange hugs and words, I couldn't help but feel resentment and hate towards Celestia, thoughtlessly indulging in her student's blind love, without the sorrow of having lost her, without the regret. Simply content. The tear tore my gaze away from them as it ruptured again, letting the screams of time and space loose in a deafening wail. The fluttering wisp coated my horn in a white sheen before it disappeared, the memory becoming mine. One, two, three—four of my iron bands boomed, drawing the attention from a few civilians down below.

My mane expanded and fluttered in the motionless air, the ends weighed down by the rest of the bands, as I felt power consume me, so much power, and only a third being drawn. As I cast her spell, I noted that she had created it wonderfully. I can only imagine how long it took her to get it this close to perfection. My horn shone like a star at twilight, blazing with power and casting light to the faces of the dead and the dying. I will save them, I am the protector. The spell weaved itself through time, the split shuddering as everything quaked one last time in defiance. Then it fell into itself, like water into a drain. Until it was gone, until the screaming ended.

But the spell was flawed, it would eventually lose strength and the time anomaly would reemerge, but until then I could save these lives. The bloodied sky seemed to be wrapped in blue gauze, the red tinge fading to blue again as order prevailed.

* * *

 _"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."_

 _― J.K. Rowling_


	5. Tempus Magus – Part I

_Flash!_

The golden light bled through from my peripheral vision, but I couldn't look at her. "Twilight... You stopped it." She sounded relieved, only because she didn't know. "I didn't think–I mean of course–" She didn't even know what to say.

"Don't thank me." My voice was still laced with vile hatred. I'm sorry, Glowheart. I will never stop hating her for what she did, my heart is not as good as yours was. "Just leave me alone. I need to figure out how to actually fix your mess."

I heard her hoofs stepping across the invisible line I never told her about, "Twilight—You're right, I should've listened to you about this. But now that you're helping, we can make everything right!"

When her hoof rested on my shoulder, I couldn't stop my rage as I lashed out, striking my metal clad hoof across her face. I took guilty satisfaction in watching her tumble to the ground with a very confused and now bloodied expression.

"Princess!" Twilight ran the half hoof distance to her mentor, bending down and frantically looking her over. "What do you think you are doing?!" She yelled at me.

I tried to ignore her. I peered down at Celestia, who looked away from me. She had the audacity to look away. "Don't you dare touch me." My eyes darted to Twilight's, her eyes were wide and concerned, but mostly she seemed mad at me. I didn't linger. "Don't touch me one more time, or talk to me like everything is okay again." I shook my head. "Because, if you do? I will put you through how I feel right now." I stared into Twilight's eyes. "Don't think I won't because of rationality, I don't feel rational right now. In fact, I feel very, very irrational." I looked away. "I just have to insure that I fulfill my promise to Glowheart, then I don't want anything to do with you ever again."

Celestia didn't move, she didn't take Twilight's hoof when she offered to help her up either. She still didn't even look at me. "I'm sorry, Twilight." Sorry doesn't cut it.

 _Blink_

I appeared in Twilight's laboratory, she had it installed into one of the many conference rooms in the Castle of Friendship. It was also connected to the advanced magics and alchemical devices section of the library in such a case as she needed a refresher before continuing with a risk experiment.

It was brilliant, I will never take this system for granted. The things I created in this laboratory, the lives I saved. The lives I ended. I shook my head, my magic reaching out and accessing the books I needed. Unfortunately, this is before I created the signalizing spell—which added a unique magic signature to whatever it was cast on, making finding books with magic as quick as thought almost—so finding them took a little bit longer than I'd have liked.

"Just who do you think you are?" Twilight called, startling me slightly. I hadn't noticed her arrive. "First you illegally rummage through my memories, then you straight up back hoof Princess Celestia, I can see that you're an alicorn," I turned back to her, waiting for her to finish. "And I can see your resemblance to me, not to mention the fact that Celestia referred to you as Twilight."

I blinked. "Your point? Look, if you're just here to rant about seeing your mentor smacked, kindly see yourself out."

"This is my castle!" She stomped. "If anyone should get out, it's you!" She realized where this was going quickly. She brought a hoof to her chest, closing her eyes, in—out. She extended her hoof with her breath. "Look. You're obviously related to me somehow, I don't actually know how, it could be time travel, cloning—I honestly don't care which right now." She opened her eyes, "But I want answers."

"Answers?" I levitated the books around and dropped them on a pristine white counter. "Answers." I echoed, watching her nod slightly, already unsure. I nodded along. "I'm you. In the future, I bucked things up big time." I trotted over to her slowly. "Then sixty–three years, two months and eight days ago—to be exact—Celestia went to the future where she found me, barely alive and wanting to die. It was _my_ time to die, I'd earned it fair and square."

As I approached, she kept backing up. "But no. No matter how much I begged, and pleaded and threatened, she wouldn't let me die. She wouldn't even let me get someone else to do it. Then she blackmailed me, using the life of my _precious_ student—a young filly you would've been teaching the values of friendship and magic to in a year—as a betting chip." Her flanks bumped into the wall behind her, and I stood only a hoof or two away. "A bet she lost."

"She bet the life of another pony, Twilight—not even somepony who said she could do it—somepony _very_ important to me, somepony who would've been very important to you, and she lost. So before you come here, trying to make me feel bad." I started towards her again, watching her squirm against the wall, unable to concentrate enough to cast a teleport spell. "I want you to go talk to her about Glowheart—Ask her about the student she _murdered_ , I want you to use those. Exact. Words. Then come back here and make me feel bad." I jabbed a hoof on her chest roughly. "I dare you to try and find a reason to make me feel bad after what she's done."

 _Flash!_

I was temporarily blinded by her bright teleport. She overloaded it in her panic to get far away from me, she likely overshot Canterlot by a mile, a part of me felt bad for scaring her, but she'll get there soon enough. I huffed, turning back to my work.

* * *

She came back, but she didn't talk to me anymore. She just sat far away from me, in a corner. She barely even looked at me, and when she did, her expression looked like she didn't know what to think of me anymore. The likely case was that Celestia told her the truth, or a modified truth and she was trying to figure out how to deal with that information. I didn't pay her much mind though, I had to figure this out or my promise to Glowheart was pointless. "What was the future like?" She finally asked me. I barely offered a glance, still calculating the math my idea would need.

"Excuse me?"

"The future. Celestia said everything was dead, but then you said the future would be beautiful at Rainbow's funeral."

I raised an eyebrow, quills and parchment still being written and drawn on all around me. "Put two and two together?" I asked, interest being perked a little.

"It wasn't hard. You didn't change your size much, and even then the proportions were all the same. Just shrinking in general and a shoddy color swap isn't a good disguise." She shrugged. I shrugged back, it fooled the average pony, which is all I usually needed out of it. I just underestimated myself I suppose. "But Princess Celestia only saw the end. What was the way there like?"

I sat the quill down, sighing deeply. "It was... Complicated."

"Complicated?" She picked up one of the parchments, glancing it over. "I thought it was beautiful?"

I took the parchment from her, rolling it up as I placed it right back where she found it. "No touching." Then I snorted. "But it was. Sometimes." I heaved onto my hooves, my back popping as my magic sat everything in it's place. "Come here." I told her, my horn alighting again.

"What are you gonna do?"

"Show you something." I popped my neck, twisting left, then right.

Her mouth moved, but then she closed it and trotted over to me. "I want you to open your mind." I said, placing my horn to her head. "Just think about love. Love and loss. Peace and war. Birth and death." My magic nudged further and further in, being far more gentle at the mind walk this time. "Think about the beauty of life, Twilight." Especially due to it being a dual access mind walk, meaning she'd have access to my memories too—if I allowed it. Her eyes closed, and I closed mine.

 _Blink_

"Where are we?" She asked immediately. "I don't recognize this place." She looked around the golden halls. Sunshine sparkled on the white marble walls, making everything yellow and warm.

"This is a memory I saved using the Tree of Harmony as a buffer, it was the only thing I could think of that could store a memory for as long as I needed, the material it's made of is perfect for that." I trotted to her. "It can only be accessed when it has direct access to the Tree of Harmony as a result unfortunately, or when it's influence is particularly strong in the caster." I ran a hoof across the walls, smiling a little. "After the telematrix detonated, this—among a few other memories—was all I had to keep myself sane. I had trinkets in the real world of course," I sighed, looking back to her. She still looked very confused. "But let me show you."

I trotted ahead of her, Twilight falling into pace behind me. "Won't this harm the time stream even more? Me knowing all this?"

"It's already pretty bucked. There's not much that could wreck it entirely. Destroying Canterlot or the Castle of Friendship being on the list of 'Don't ever do this'." I heard the distant noise of a sonic rainboom. "Besides, Celestia already prevented this from ever possibly happening." Twilight obviously did too, as she ran ahead of me to find it. I galloped after her, knowing exactly what the noise was. She soon reached the end of the hall, rounding onto a balcony.

"Sweet Celestia..." She whispered, standing bipedal over the railing and looking around. "Where was this?" She marveled at the marble buildings that streaked into the clouds like rays of sunshine.

"Trottingham, the City of Sunlight. The new capital city of the Equestrian Republic." I said, resting against the railing next to her as I too took in the view.

"Republic? But Equestria is a diarchy!" She then noted the Wonderbolts flying through the sky, the telltale rainbow trail following them. "Rainbow Dash?!" She yelled, waving her hooves.

"They can't hear you, no one can. It's a memory of the events in the city for a period of time, they can't be changed." I explained, she nodded sadly. "And that's not Rainbow Dash. She just died yesterday, Twilight." As her face drooped, I instantly regretted my words. "Those are the Wonderbolts."

"But that was–"

"That was the Rainbow Squadrons signature move, the sonic rainboom." I said, watching the rainbow trail seem to cut across the sky. "After Rainbow's passing, the Wonderbolts dedicated an entire new branch to the study and replication of the sonic rainboom, in honor of her." She just watched them with me as they streaked across the sky, when I saw them fly three and a half inches from the cloud shaped like a cookie with a space monkey riding it—from my perspective anyway—I pulled back. "We should hurry. We don't want to miss it."

"Miss what?"

I didn't answer as I hurried down the mural hall. Several times I had to grab Twilight with my magic and drag her along when she stopped to study a mural. "Hurry up! Was I always this slow?"

"Where are we going?" She asked, running to catch up with me.

"The council is ending, we get to see everypony and watch the evening ceremony." I actually smiled as I broke into a gallop. Twilight galloped after me, struggling to keep pace. We eventually round another corner that let out into a massive courtyard, overlooked by rows and rows of occupied benches. In the center was an erected platform.

I skidded to a halt, my hooves sliding across the scuff–less yellow marble easily. Twilight slid a few hoofs past me, spinning and panicking. She eventually stopped, laying with all her limbs spread out and her face and belly flat on the ground. "Ow..." She muttered, struggling to her hooves and rubbing her eyes. But my eyes remained centered on the platform. "You could've gone a little slower." When I didn't answer, she followed my gaze. "Is that...?" I nodded.

"The Alicorn Council." I trotted up and sat next to her as we watched them debate soundlessly. "I cut the debate audio from the memory, it was boring politics and I didn't want to hear it whenever I revisited this memory." I explained.

"The Alicorn Council? I have so many questions! Where did they all come from? Who are they? Where is–" I nearly smacked her when I moved my hoof to her mouth.

"Shh. Just enjoy it for now, questions later."

She looked annoyed, but thankfully obliged. We watched as the council meeting soon ended, the watching crowd all stomping their hooves in applause. Said applause could be heard and it startled Twilight, the sudden noise in the otherwise silent world being quite jarring. "Where are they going?" She asked, noticing them all leaving the courtyard through another hall.

I smiled down at her. "Do you want to find out?"

We followed the council, my eyes lingering on Glowheart as she laughed with her friends and fellow council members. Then we arrived at the Trottingham castle. It dwarfed every other castle, every other city that Equestria had ever had in Twilight's time. "It was built by me and the council over the course of a century, in honor of Celestia and Luna's passing." I said when I took note of Twilight's expression. "It was the first time we had ever lost a fellow alicorn, to us—me especially—it was the first time we had ever felt such pure, unfiltered and unimaginable pain. It was worse than losing our friends; our lovers. It was losing the only family we still had after our families had died, the only assurance that we wouldn't be alone."

I ignored the look Twilight gave me. "We built the city with the new found knowledge of our own mortality and the mortality of our loved ones. We built it with the image of billiance, but it was built as the ultimate fortress against dark magic, out of fear." Yet I still couldn't help but smile at the castle. While it was the marking of the first pain I felt in thousands upon thousands of years, it was my home. It had been my home for a very long time and I had so many memories of this place. The place that never would.

"It's... Huge." She peered up at it, leaning further and further back to no avail. "I can't even see the top of it."

I nodded. "It doesn't have a top. It's enchanted to keeping building itself higher the taller we needed it." She didn't even react to that. I imagine the possibility of a spell like that is more imaginable than the city itself. "Come on."

She nodded mutely, following me as we approached the castle. It was like approaching a mountain, even though you got closer it didn't seem to get bigger until it was right in front of you. Then we rounded the bend in the outer wall, leading to the ceremonial platform. The council had beat us here and were already lining up on the platform, most already up the stairs. I picked Twilight up with my magic and flew us both up there. I sat us down in the center of the round arrangement of alicorns around me. I saw Starfield, Glowheart, and dozens of my other friends and family members.

Twilight gasped and I followed her gaze. "It's us." She said, taking note of my mane, this was before I invented the bands and it was massive. It fluttered up and around like a snake. She sat upon the obsidian throne, Celestia and Luna's cutie marks embossed on either side of the headrest in bright, vibrant colors.

I moved my lips with her words, knowing the memory front to back by heart. "Friends, family. We gather here tonight as we do every night to gather in mourning of our late mare of the sun, Princess Celestia, and celebrate majesty the mare of the moon, Princess Luna, created for us." In front of the castle was a crowd bigger than the population of Canterlot, dotting the crowd was enchanted poles to carry my voice across the city.

No one spoke, not a soul even coughed. My horn exploded in purple, casting light across the crowd as everyone watched in awe. The light from the sky waned, the hazy golden beams of sunset cutting out and soon replaced with dark blue streaks as stars lit the sky and the pseudo moon appeared.

"The old celestial bodies are gone, but I created an illusion across the whole atmosphere, even to nations who dared war with us. It took an immense amount of power, and sometimes it left me incredibly weak in the first few decades after Celestia and Luna died." I said as Twilight starred at the sky. I took a deep breath, flapping my wings and flying into the sky, relishing the smells of Trottingham, the way the air had moved, all unique to this beautiful, forever never city. "But it was worth every day I spent hospitalized from magic exertion to know I was giving the sky back to my subjects. The sky gave our nation hope." I spun in the air before landing aside Twilight, who sat silently.

The light from the other Twilight's horn died, her mane shrinking dramatically, now barely the size of Celestia's in her time. "Her magic will regenerate over the course of the night, don't worry."

The sky shimmered and I sighed. "The memory is ending soon." I trotted over to Glowheart, who obliviously stared through me at her teacher: Me. I wanted to reach out and hug her one last time, but I couldn't. I could only watch until her face fizzled from view, replaced by the astral plane. Twilight sat quietly, staring at her hooves. "Are you okay?"

She flinched at my question, looking as far away from me as she could. "Am I okay?" She shook her head before looking at me. "How are you okay?"

I tilted my head. "I'm not okay. You think I'm okay?" I gestured around myself metaphorically, "That I'm over what happened? No, I'm not." I nickered. "But with immortality, Twilight, comes the time needed to be able to live with the bad. The time to be able to appreciate good memories without letting bad things taint them."

 _Blink_

Our eyes opened in her laboratory at once, our faces inches from each other. "I cannot guarantee a future, Twilight. But I can guarantee that if there is one, you'll find happiness in it one day."

She regarded my words, staring deep into my eyes before nodding and trotting away. I sighed, I still had work to do.

* * *

I stood with Celestia, Luna, Twilight and Cadence around a large table, my designs and plans scattered around it in what some would call chaos, but in the words of Rarity, it was organized chaos. It made perfect sense to me, and even Twilight was beginning to see the pattern I noticed. "I have spent the last day or two—remind me to add windows later to help with telling time—in fact, Twilight? Add windows to the laboratory—designing these schematics. What we need to do is go to Trottingham and find out where the split started, then we can permanently seal it and prevent others from occurring."

"But how? You haven't exactly explained any of this." Celestia complained, waving a hoof around like a complete idiot.

Cadence nodded, standing aside the white alicorn. "I agree, the most you explained was how to create the device. What powers it?"

"Um." We all glanced to Twilight, having seated herself as far from me and Celestia as she could on the other side of the table next to Luna. "If my calculations are correct—which they usually are." Twilight said, a little, almost nonexistent snort as she giggled at herself. "Then it's going to need a power source comparable to the Elements of Harmony in their heyday, or the Tree of Harmony itself. But less spontaneous and more constant." She tapped her chin, giving way for Luna to speak up.

"And what is this... Thing?" She tapped one of the pieces of parchment. "It's hard to tell with such a... muddled drawing."

I snorted. "Well I didn't have time to take it and laminate it, or have an artist redraw my rough sketch." I nodded to where she had poked, "That is the power source. Don't worry about what it is, I'll be dealing with that."

I received suspicious glances from Cadence and Luna, but Celestia and Twilight nodded. It's to be expected, they knew me better, enough to trust my judgement. I glared at Celestia. Perhaps they knew me too well. "Then it's decided, Twilight and uh..." Celestia trailed off, staring awkwardly between me and my double. "Twilight will work as a team in finding the split and constructing the chronostablizer Twilight–" She nodded at me. "Designed." She looked at Cadence and Luna, "Meanwhile, Luna and Cadence will help them with anything they require. And I will remain in Canterlot, trying to calm the inhabitants of Equestria and manage everything else."

Everypony nodded. "Alright. Everypony to work."

I stood, "Cadence, Luna." I nodded to them, standing near Twilight. They approached. "Close your eyes." They hesitantly complied. I rested a hoof on Cadence, who flinched, and my horn on Luna, meanwhile Twilight rested her hoof on my shoulder. I closed my eyes.

 _Blink_

We all opened our eyes and glanced around. "By the Mothers..." Luna muttered, casting her gaze around at the scorched ash and dusted remains of the once humble town. Twilight said nothing, keeping her eyes glued to her hooves. After seeing what it might've been, I imagine the scene is breaking her heart almost as much as it's breaking mine.

Cadence too gazed around the city with sorrow, feeling for the dead a love we couldn't understand. "What do we need to do?" She asked.

I looked around myself, "We need to locate the split. The easiest way to do that is weaken the binding spell Twilight created and close it up again before it destroys anything else." I sighed. "Which means I have to buck up the time stream more. While telling Twilight wouldn't result in much change, telling you secrets about the future that won't happen..." I looked directly at Luna. "You're going to die."

She blinked. "Excuse us?"

"Around the four hundredth day in the 3rd Era of the Equestrian Republic, you and your sister died." Her eyes widened slightly.

 _Bum Bum..._

It didn't take much. Being this close, even the slightest change caused my heart to beat strangely. I think the link between my heart and the time split is because I'm in the wrong time. I turned away right as Luna looked like she was going to protest and ask me questions. "It's this way."

As I followed my heart, and the others followed me, Luna kept trying to get me to tell her more, but I didn't need to now. Then we heard it, the screeching, horrible noise that accompanied the split. A few more moments of walking and we found it. "Alright." I said, marking the ground below it. I summoned a scroll and quill, jotting down what I needed briefly, then hoofed it to Cadence. "Can you and Luna find these items while me and Twilight start drawing out the runes?"

She nodded and they disappeared in a pink flash. "I really hate that old teleport. Despite the fact you can do it with your eyes open, and from a distance, it's slow and as a stealth tool all but useless. Where mine was instant, and required little magic, theirs actually takes only slightly less time than double sonic rainboom speed and used a ton of magic the longer the distance." I ranted, silently wishing I'd replaced their memories of the old spell with mine.

Twilight was quiet though. "Come on, lets just finish this." She finally said, completely disregarding what I'd said. I raised an eyebrow, but followed her example. Something was bothering her, but that wasn't my business. Besides, she was right. We had much to do.

* * *

 _"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."_

 _― Mother Teresa_


	6. Tempus Magus – Finale

"What was the 'telematrix array'?" Twilight asked, her magic working around and carving runes into the ground.

I hummed, thinking as I did the same thing as her. "A dream."

"A dream?"

I sighed. "Before the end, I was one of the only alicorns left. It was just me, Glowheart and Starfield. Glowheart was always the kindest soul I ever met, she would even defend the ponies who wanted her dead. Then me. I was..." I hummed as I thought of my words. "I was arrogant. Arrogant and beyond powerful. I believed I was Helios reincarnated." I snorted at the tale, "Every alicorn goes through that phase one day I suppose. When they realize just how powerful the alicorn race truly is, what we can be. But coupled with my intellect..." I trailed off.

"I spent a long time in that phase." I noted another pink flash as more supplies arrived, but no Cadence or Luna still. "And then, there was Starfield. She was absolutely brilliant. Beyond me in terms of pure ambition, ambition that led her to pushing and shoving her way to improve herself, she never gave up." My magic formed a panel, showing a monochrome purple image of her. "She designed a concept of an array of teleports, designed to warp Equestrian citizens around the nation in a split second."

Twilight nodded, bringing a hoof up in thought. "As amazing as that is, the amount of power needed–"

"Would be astronomical, yes." I nodded as well, reaching and grabbing the large metal rings from the supplies. "So she found a way for it to passively feed off of my magic. By this point in time, I had enough magic that it wouldn't have been an issue." She awed at my words, before helping me. "And so we created it. I trusted her judgement beyond anypony else with regard to the science behind it; I didn't even question it."

I narrowed my eyes. "What I hadn't counted on, was the corruption in her heart."

"What?"

"I'm not sure how I didn't notice it before." I sighed. "When he returned, his followers attacked without hesitation from all side, it would be near impossible to find out how and who brought him back. They assaulted Trottingham with the intent of massacring the alicorn council—Which he nearly accomplished."

"He?"

I sat down with a sigh, "King Sombra."

"But... Didn't we defeat him already?"

"That's right." My magic welded the rings and metal beams in place. "But he's a tenacious brute, no matter what we did, he wouldn't just lay down and stay dead."

She frowned, using her magic to assist me. "Before he attacked, there were just over thirty of us on the council, as you saw. After that, only three. He was ruthless, and neared my own power at the time. But beyond both of those, he was smart and cruel. Every attack he made was carefully thought through as a torture tactic. He would push us into going after him."

"One by one, he picked us off. Until Starfield, Glowheart and I managed to find him and stop him." I closed my eyes, feeling inside my soul for my harmonic link. I needed to influence the Tree of Harmony to grow closer to here for this to work. "After that, I thought we were safe." There. I pulled on the tree, and it followed. "But he had one last trick up his sleeve. During the attack, he split a part off his soul and latched it inside of Starfield."

"So the telematrix was..." Twilight's eyes widened in understanding.

"A trap." The roots tunneled from the ground and wrapped around our creation, me leading them into their place. "When it was activated, it stole all of my magic and forced it into the artificial sun. The gravity and the heat destroyed everything."

"And... Starfield and Glowheart?"

"They survived." I placed my hoof on the metal pillar, pushing it to test it's strength. I looked at Twilight before I regarded the machine. "Now we wait for the final part." I said, closing my eyes.

Twilight sighed, I could feel her shift the air as she sat beside me. "Wait, didn't Celestia find you alone?"

"Yes."

"But you said they survived the telematrix." She tilted her head, her brow furrowing in thought.

"I did say that, yes." My answer only seemed to confuse her even more.

"Then where did they go?" She kept asking, but I didn't answer. It wasn't any of her business, she was lucky to hear what she did.

* * *

Thank the Mothers Luna and Cadence are back. I don't think I could handle Twilight glaring at me any longer. "Did you find them?" Well maybe I could, it was kind of funny.

"Yes but..." Luna coughed. "Why do you need these?" She hoofed over the bag of gemstones, what looked like water balloons and rubber tubes. I took them and waved a hoof at them dismissively, before trotting back to the machine. "You're welcome?"

"Yes, thank you." I levitated the gems into the water balloon look–alikes, fusing the ends of them to one side of each of the the tubes. "Very rudimentary solution, but it'll do. Twilight?" I turned towards her, two wisps flowing off my horn as I sat the tubed balloons and gems on a crate. "Here: I have two spells you're going to need to perform."

She nearly galloped the three hoofs over to me, eagerly grinning at the thought of future spells. Though she seemed to remember who I was as she stepped back a couple steps, "Wait, what do they do?"

"The first is a specialized preservation spell I created. It doesn't need to be recast, it merely feeds off ambient magic to recharge." Her mouth literally fell agape. "The second spell simply retrieves the power source for the machine." Oh Mothers, she looks like a child on Hearth's Warming morning.

She tilted her head, as did Luna and Cadence. "But... Why can't you cast these spells?"

"And take all the credit? I'll have you know: I'm a very humble mare." I huffed, tipping my nose above them. To say they looked confused was an understatement. I leaned down to Twilight, sighing. "Just trust my judgement on this." I placed my horn to hers.

The wisps danced off my horn shimmering and coating Twilight's like a thin sheen of water before fading away. Her eyes grew distant for a moment before she backed up, shaking her head. "Whoa. That was weird, memory spells are weird. Have I ever mentioned memory spells feel really weird when cast on you?" She babbled as the spells asserted themselves in her mind. "O–Oh. Wow. These spells are ridiculously complex. I can't believe I know how to cast them already!" She jumped up and down as her mind ran through the little intricacies of the spells.

I turned away as she prepared herself to cast the spells, summoning a few extra folders from her laboratory. "These are the rest of the notes for the construction if you need them, I have something else I need to do." I said, levitating the notes over to Luna. "Don't read them until you know you need to."

She tilted her head, placing the folder on the stack of crates with the other supplies. "Yes, of course." She said rather uneasily. Clearing her throat, she looked left to right before shuffling her hooves. "So what happens now?"

"Now?" I trot over to the machine, all twelve of my bands buzzing. I take a deep breath as the power starts to overwhelm me, my mane expanding like ink in water.

 _Cli-Clank_

The bands fall through my mane like it was made of smoke, clinking and thunking on the ground one by one. "Sweet Celestia." I heard Twilight say under her breathe. My mane started to glow, the cutie marks of my friends ghosting through it. Applejack, Fluttershy, Glowheart— _Celestia_. I flinched, looking away from the rising sun. No. She was no longer my friend. "What're you doing?"

"The machine will require these to limit and control the power source, otherwise it'd do more harm than good." I explain, carefully levitating the rings of iron around the bottom ring of the machine. One wrong move or break in concentration could be catastrophic with this much magic without any filters or restraints. "Be quiet for a moment." The three alicorns sat behind me, awkwardly exchanging glances as I precisely placed each band. "There..."

"Now what?" Twilight asked. I sighed, looking up at the sky.

"Now you cast the spell."

She nodded, charging up her magic in her horn as her eyes squinted closed. "Oh wow, this requires a lot of magic."

I look over to Luna and Cadence. "Give her some extra magic. She'll need it." They give me an odd look. "Just do it, _please_." They sighed, but raw magic started to pool above their heads, leaking into Twilight as she continued charging the spell. I lean down on my knees, "Twilight?" She opens her eyes, looking up at me even while I'm sitting in front of her. "Please understand that this is the only way."

Her head tilted. "What do you mean?" Then the spell arced out and pierced my chest. Everything turned numb, the lights of the world and the sounds of the spell dimmed and dampened. "Twilight!" She yelled, trying to end the spell. In the background, I spotted Luna and Cadence struggling too. Their forms covered in a dark haze as my senses left. "Stop this!"

"That won't work. The spell was designed to hijack your magic after it charged, I should know. I made it myself." The tip of my mane sparked, turning to a purple flame. "Don't feel bad, Twilight. Don't think you're murdering me. This is my choice, this is my action. I'm just using you to accomplish it." The fire licked down my mane quickly, a smokeless fire eating away at me.

"You're so selfish!" She yelled, still trying to stop the spell.

"You don't understand—I'm not abandoning you." I raised my hoof to reassure her, but it crumbled away. "The spell is harvesting my heart. My soul will be destroyed, but the magic will remain." My voice started to reverberate, echoing and distorting. "I will become the power source and I will get my wish." She didn't know what to say. She just stared at me. "Don't look at me like that, Twilight. We'll meet again." I said, closing my eyesas the world turned white.

* * *

 _watch?v=d9RUp0upbEQ_

 _My name is Twilight Sparkle and today is my fifth birthday! I'm finally older than as many hooves as I got, so now I have to learn to write the numbers. But on my birthday, my mom got me a cool music box! It plays a really really old song from a fairy tale or something._

What was this? The world swam and distorted around me. Was this what death was like, or merely the way there? Everything was bright, a blue and white haze. I felt tiny, but I wasn't afraid.

 _My name is Twilight Sparkle, today I am nineteen years old. I just met my new friends earlier this year, we defeated Nightmare Moon and saved Equestria! I have a feeling my life is going to be a lot more interesting than I originally thought._

My life? Who was saying these words? Oh. Am I saying them?

 _My name is Twilight Sparkle, today I am twenty-two years old. I became a princess of Equestria yesterday, I can't believe it! I wish there were a book on the subject, maybe I can ask Princess Celestia to write one._

Day after day, life after life. I remembered. All my forgotten memories, all my hidden sorrows; they were free. I took it upon myself to embrace them, internally my soul wept.

 _My name is Twilight Sparkle, I think I'm five thousand years old, give or take a year. After helping two more alicorns ascend in the last few decades, me and the other princesses have decided a new form of government is in order. It's not official, but I've personally suggested a council system, governed by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna._

Too many memories! It hurts. The bright white world around me is pulsing, growing brighter and brighter as I remembered. And as I forgot.

 _My name is Twilight Sparkle, I am now twenty thousand years old. I don't remember my birthday anymore, I'm mostly just guessing. Today, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna died. In their will, they have left the chairmare's seats to me, making me the primary alicorn of the Equestrian Republic. I won't disappoint them._

Who was Twilight Sparkle? Why is she so important?

 _I am Twilight Sparkle, I am fifty-seven thousand years old. Today, one of my friends betrayed me. A device we created, the telematrix, killed everypony. I have no one left anymore, I'm all alone. But I will live on, if only to preserve pony kind. Not because I have no other choice._

I see a face, a face I feel like I recognize. I see a lot of faces.

 _I am Twilight Sparkle, my estimated age is three hundred and fifty-six thousand, two hundred years old. I have been alone for a very, very long time. I can't remember what my loved ones sound like anymore, their faces are blurs and their memory is tainted. I'm even doubting the saved memory I indulge in constantly, how do I know that their faces and voices in that aren't wrong? I've grown mean and hateful in my isolation, but that's okay. I don't need to be kind anymore, there's no one to be kind to._

More and more faces phased into view.

 _I, Twilight Sparkle, have died today. I gave up my life out of selfishness and necessity. I have no place in the living world, I belong in the limbo I was stolen from. Retribution is served._

"Glowheart?" I reach out with an ethereal hoof, it's sparkling and glowing like the hoof of a crystal pony.

"Welcome home Twilight."

* * *

 _"End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path. One that we all must take."_

 _― J.R.R. Tolkien_


End file.
